I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
