i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
