if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
