We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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