i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
