i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
