$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
