We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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