We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
