my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
