ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Randomize
