you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
