its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
