Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
