I think my fart just growled at me.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
