Will you blow on my dice?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
