Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And then my night got REAL pukey
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
