so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
