so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize