12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
