She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize