i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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