dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I AM VODKA MAN
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
