Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
