4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
