Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
