Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
