I just cut my nipple shaving
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
