dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
