Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
