I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
this just has baby written all over it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
