So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
