I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
