worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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