We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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