theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
