Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
