I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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