oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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