i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
