You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
