I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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