Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
