he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
