Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
