also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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