Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
