i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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