so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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