Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
