I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
