i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize