i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
