i always forget guys have bellybuttons
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
