She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize