I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
