just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
