Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
