Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
