I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
