Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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