Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
