My first STD was from a foam party
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
