I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
