she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
