we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
