Kiss
Puke
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
