News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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