I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
