You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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