'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
